Chris Geiger

The Cancer Survivors Club

Just Two Words

I THOUGHT I’D MADE a discovery as significant as the Swiss mathematician Leonhard Euler recently. The phrases we most hate to hear are two words in length. For men its 'Cough please', for women it's 'Heels together'.

Other two word statements we don’t like to hear include ‘You’re fired’, ‘Open wide’, ‘Its cancer’ or ‘Cut backs’, well technically that’s one word.

Other words we've been hearing a lot of recently are 'super-injunction', otherwise known as 'gagging order'; again two words. I understand more than 500 of these injunctions were issued last year. They've become the latest 'must-have' accessory. Last year it was cool to be seen adopting orphaned African children. Gone are the days when just wearing flares or mini-skirts was thought sufficient to impress.

When walking around the streets of Nice, you'll notice most women feel the need to carry a small dog the size of a hamster under their arm.

The obvious fashion accessory which has resulted in millions being diagnosed with cancer is smoking. Even I, as a kid wanted to smoke, thinking I'd impress my friends. The problem was I didn't like it - so gave up on the idea after my second puff... However, now smoking is as fashionable as wearing knee-length socks with sandals...

There are even fashionable diets now, celebs in LA are woofing back baby food, as a method of losing weight quickly. It's not rocket science, if you burn more calories than you eat, you'll lose weight.

Wouldn't it be great if it became fashionable to donate to charity? I see Bill Gates is trying to make philanthropy cool. However, not everyone has bottomless pockets like him or his mates.

But most people have an hour or two they could spare a week. After all, if they have time to waste posting messages on Twitter or playing games on Facebook, then surely they'd get more pleasure and satisfaction from making a difference to patients in a hospital; or even animals at a zoo come to that. Just think how these people could show off on their various social networks. Telling their friends they've helped a cancer sufferer. This is much more impressive than showing off that they know the identity of the latest football player to get a 'super injection'

I'm starting to sound like David Cameron giving a speech about his 'Big Society' idea; but why not? What's so un-cool about helping people, what's wrong in volunteering to help others? One day sadly you may be old or ill; you never know, you may actually enjoy it.

So my theory about two word phrases is wrong; 'Voluntary Work' most people like to hear it, yet few actually do it.


No part of this article may be reproduced, stored in or introduced to a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without prior written permission of the publisher.


Return to the main columns page.


Bad Cells

Bad Cells by Chris Geiger - Newspaper Columns

Bad Cells is a collection of Chris Geiger’s thought-provoking and witty newspaper columns. His weekly column rapidly grew in popularity, eventually earning him the prestigious Columnist of the Year award.

Bad Cells includes Chris Geiger’s wide-reaching Guinness World Record column, published on World Cancer Day and an excerpt of his top selling book The Cancer Survivors Club. It also includes an exclusive and moving article, titled Bad Cells, describing his thoughts when first diagnosed and receiving treatment for cancer.

Learn more about Bad Cells --->>>

Social Media Links